Ship at the Airport

I wrote this piece of writing to show the power of love. How it is such a strong force, and creates such a strong connection between two people. I wrote this to show the concept that when that connection is strong everything feels right in the world, but when it is broken it can feel the complete opposite. Love can fill us with warmth and joy but it can also fill us with regret and sorrow.

‘Ship at the Airport’ tells a story about a girl falling in love with her best friend. It shows her experiencing the downsides of falling in love with your best friend and realising how she will just have to push through that big grey cloud that has formed above her because that is all that she can do now.

Once you fall in love with a best friend there is no going back to best friends and this piece of writing shows the difficulty of that situation.

‘Ship at the Airport’ starts with them ‘hanging out’ one night, a night that quickly turns from friendly talking to cuddling due to an mixed array of romantic feelings between the two individuals.

Do you ever get that feeling where you feel just complete? Like you literally can not think of one thing in your life that you would change. That’s how I felt that night. I was wrapped up in his arms, my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. Every time I moved closer the faster it went. I was so glad that I had gotten him back.

I listened to his shaky breaths. He was obviously as nervous to be close to me as I was to be close to him. It was a good kind of nervous though. The kind of nervous that you get before going to a school ball, putting your gown on and looking in the mirror.

He ran his fingers through my hair, slowly and delicately. I lifted my head up and smiled at him.

“I don’t think I have ever been this happy before.” I whispered.

“Really?” He gently whispered back to me; he stopped playing with my hair.

“This moment is perfect, for once there are no thoughts on my mind, nothing. I’m completely here, here in the present, not wanting anything else but this. I honestly cannot think of one bad thing in my life right now.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.” He rolled over so that we were facing each other.

My heart went mental. He cradled my cheek with his soft hand.

I couldn’t believe it was happening, after everything we had been through. He was my best friend. The only person that could make me smile consistently. Pick me up no matter what mood I was in. The things he helped me through the year before would have been way out of anyone else’s league but he stayed by my side all of the way. He loved me.

He loved me, and I knew but I didn’t do anything about it even though I felt the same way.

I was scared. He was the only person I knew I would not be able to lose. I didn’t know how I would be able to cope if I did.

The thing with relationships is that usually when two people fall out of them, they never seem to talk to each other ever again. They become strangers. The thought of that happening to me and him terrified me.

His face moved closer until I could feel the warmth of his shaky breaths.

His face moved closer until I could see his sea green eyes in the dimly lit room we were in.

As his eyelids shut so did mine. His warm lips softly brushed against mine sending sparks throughout my body.

The thing is though that it did happen. For the past three months before that week I had been alone.

Three whole months without one word was torture.

Hearing rumours that he did not like me as a person, that I had done something but nobody would tell me what. That feeling knowing that he thought I was a bad person made me hate myself.

He was the one that had always been there to make me happy, but at that moment it felt like my world was caving in around me. I tried literally everything to try and make myself happy. To have a life without him, but it always felt like there was something missing and there was a gaping hole in my chest.

Monday morning he started talking to me again, and of course I took him in straight away.

“I think I love you.” I whispered, my whole body trembled. A dreadful silence stretched for what felt like eternity. “I think I have loved you for a while now.”

“What?” He finally replied, I could sense him hiding the anger that was trying to escape.

“When you stopped talking to me…”

He cut me off. “I stopped talking to you so I would get over you, and now I am.”

My heart dropped. He had just kissed me. Had it meant nothing to him? Jagged daggers replaced the butterflies in my stomach, dozens of them stabbing my insides.

He was staring at me, his once sea green eyes now seeming like the green soldiers wear at war. Soldiers in green reloading bullets into their guns. His eyes shoot bullets into me.

Whatever I was to say then would make him angrier, so I thought I might as well just tell him the truth.

“When you stopped talking to me I was confused. I had no idea why you had just thrown me out of your life all of a sudden. I had no idea why you built a concrete wall between us. Every night I thought back on everything I had ever done that could have upset you. I thought about everything you had ever done good for me. I was trying to think of the flaws in our friendship but I ended up stumbling on the things that have just stuck in the back of my mind.” I took a deep breath and found the courage to continue, if I did not get my thoughts out there and then I don’t think I  would ever be able to.

“Do you remember that night when I was sick? You came around with grocery bags full of food, orange juice and The Lion King? You hanged out in bed with me and put the movie on. We reminisced about our childhoods and the things we missed. Sang along to every song in the movie. My mum came into the room and told you that she loved when you came over, because I was always laughing. When you had to go I walked you outside and you picked me up in a hug and twirled me around. Memories like that came back to me. I was confused why I missed you so much, and I felt it impossible to get on with my life the same way as I had before. I realised that that whole time I was inlove with you,” I swallowed, “You have no idea how much I regret not saying anything, especially knowing that you loved me too. I was too scared I would lose you… but that is exactly what happened, now I am going to lose you again.”

Tears begged to be let loose.

I couldn’t bare to see his reaction so I looked down at the dull grey of his bed covers.

“This is bullshit!” He was steaming. His eyes were ice cold now.

The small amount of respect that he had left in them when he had looked at me before had gone now.

I had never been in that much emotional pain.

“You have no idea how much I went through trying to get over you.” He said coldly. He was shaking. Shaking, but in a different way than before. It hurt me so much to see him like that.

It hurt to have him look at me like that. I was on the edge of breaking.

“I have to go.” I said as emotionless as I possibly could, I didn’t want him to realise how torn I really was. I didn’t want to seem weak.

“Go then.” More daggers were in my stomach. Stabbing me endlessly.

I picked my jacket up off his cold wooden floor, grabbed my bag off his bed and dashed out of his room before the screams could dash out of me.

I ran. I ran down the dark roads. Ran until I physically couldn’t anymore.

I had no idea where I was, it was too dark to tell.

As if on cue the sky erupted, spilling gallons of icy water.

That was when the sobs began. They started slow.

The hole was reappearing. I could no longer breathe. I was drowning. Everything was seeping out of me until I was no more. My throat ached.

This was pathetic. I was pathetic. Why was I letting a connection to another person break me down. The only person I actually needed in my life was myself.

My grief then turned to anger. My anger turned into strength.

I picked myself off the cold dew covered grass. My thoughts took a completely different turn.

I was too strong to let this defeat me. I would beat this. I would trick myself into thinking he was irrelevant until that became the reality. There was no point getting down about this.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport.  Pointless.

I knew it would be difficult to find myself again, to find life enjoyable and to fill in that hole.

I also knew that doing that was possible.

That was simply the reality, there was nothing else I could do but power through it and from there on that is exactly what I would do.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s